Tehachapi's Artist Community - grungehobbit.com

Fabulous Diane
G S

 Hmmm, yeah, I was at the workshop when Patricia read this.  I had a hard time focusing on what she was saying because her words were painful for me.  You see my I lost my brother to schizophrenia when I was 13, he was 18.  I beat myself up every time I think of him or this illness because I feel I didn't do enough to help him.  We lived in a small town and for years friends of our family would call me up to go get my brother who would always be passed out at Thriftys or J.C. Pennys with an empty bottle of wine by his side.  The last time I saw him, I was 21, I brought him home from Thriftys and he spent the night at my apartment.  When I woke up, he and my new sleeping bag were gone.   I didn't give his leaving much thought because I knew there would be other phone calls telling me to go pick my brother up, I would surely see him again, but there never was another phone call.  I still miss him.

When I was younger living in L.A. I use to give every homeless person I saw a bottle of wine and a couple bucks if I had it to give.  I remember this one women would scream at me when I gave her a bottle of wine during my trip to Smart & Final.  She would say "FUCK YOU BITCH", at the top of her lungs, she said that every time I gave her something.   I thought to myself.  I'm gonna quit giving that mean woman wine and money.  She's a real asshole, but I didn't.   About a year later, I noticed a huge tumor growing out the side of her head and I thought... WHY?   How can this be happening?  Why doesn't anyone help her?   Then I preceded to drink my own liquor.  I drank quite a bit back then.  I didn't do anything to help her either.  

I don't know if the mental health care system has gotten better, or if it's just that I moved away from the big city 15 years ago...  things seem to be better for the mentally ill and the homeless in my eyes.   Maybe it's because I don't want to know the truth. I have been able to not think about mental illness for years... and then I met Patricia the other day and I'm haunted by my guilt once again.    If I can get away from my pain, and out of myself, this time, maybe I will try to help by learning some facts about the mentally ill and organizations that help them, and maybe even get involved.   Maybe. 

I recall Marie from TWC asking for your help a few years ago Sparky. Maybe now is the time to call her? (*L*) We are packing for our weekend trip. See you next week.

kathy

 All the writers are very good.  Thank you for sharing.